How to Find the Right Woman

I often get questions about women.

Some of the questions relate to how bodybuilding ties in with women, also how to find the right woman, and how to find a “fit chick”.

So I'm going to take some time out and address these questions and basically give you my outlook on it all.

Beauty eventually fades as we grow older.

However, it's nice to always remember the person the way they were when you met them.

Do you want to be 80 years old and remember the beautiful girl walking along the beach with you? Or would you rather remember some ugly, zit faced nerd who only gave you some pussy because you were the only guy desperate enough to pay attention to her?

I know which one I'd want…and have.

Attraction is a must to start with.

But it definitely helps if you're attractive yourself. It's tough to go out and hit on dimes when you look like a tub of lard, despite what kind of money you have. Women will take your money, but they'll laugh at you behind your back and you won't get any respect.

Have you ever seen that God awful show “The Real Housewives of blah blah blah?”

You know, the show where the husband stays gone pretty much all the time and some worthless whore is spending all of his money? Why would you want that life or even want a grown woman who comes to you begging for money like a spoiled brat every day?

There comes a fine line between being financially secure and getting respect, or just being an ATM machine who gets no respect. I'll be damned if I had to shell out money on a new car just to get my dick sucked, and that is basically where these guys are at, if I had to guess.

It's not all about money.

Actually, money is simply the bi-product of a man who can provide. A man should be able to provide; that doesn't mean spoil some worthless slut just to get her attention.

There are plenty of women out there who drive a nice fancy car, live in a mansion, and would rather wake up and head straight to the spa with her “girlfriends” instead of making you breakfast.

How long do you think this would keep you happy? Meanwhile, there are other women out there who would love a guy who would just spend time with his family and go out for a picnic lunch to the park together.

It often saddens me when I go out in public and take a look around – I never see families together anymore.

Think about every place you go nowadays; how many mothers, fathers, and kids do you actually see spending time together?

I think there are days where I don't see any. I don't care how hard money is for people, there are things you can do with your family that don't cost much.

The problem is people don't care anymore and the influence to be selfish is stronger now than the influence to establish relationships. I see a lot of lonely and insecure people out there now. People chatting it up with everyone but alone on the inside.

So back to the money thing; I would encourage you to try your best to excel and grow to a financially secure level, but don't stress over not being rich or think that being rich is the only way to land a decent lady. It's actually quite the opposite a lot of the time.

You should try your best for you anyways, then the field of pickings is a little more fruitful when it comes to a quality woman. Yes, it's not always about money, but a quality girl doesn't want a guy on welfare either.

Sometimes the wanting is better than the having.

I know right now that a lot of these spoiled whores are looking at my family when we go out places and are jealous they don't have what I have. Sure, there husbands may be able to buy them nice things, but nice things never replace time together.

Let's talk about the type of girl you may want and where you can find her.

Well, you probably want a girl who is active for starters. Nobody wants a slug who sits around all day long. This isn't just a downer, it's a health issue.

Would you rather be having sex into your 50's and 60's because you have an active and healthy partner, or would you enjoy masturbating until you die because you have a fat wife with messed up hormones and a need to watch TV over giving you the time of day?

So I'd suggest looking for girls in places active people go. Places like the gym, parks, nature trails, the lake, these are the places you may want to start looking.

Online dating is also not a bad idea and is more popular nowadays as well. I'd just go to a pay site where people are a little more serious and not a free dating site with the rift raft.

But the nice thing about online dating is you can find out about a person before investing too much time into someone who isn't a good match. You're not a loser just because you are meeting women online.

Here is another good point on women who are into fitness. It shows that they are willing to put in work to see results that do not come on a short term basis.

Fitness can say an awful lot about a person's character. This may be the type of woman who is more willing to work things out with you when you get into an argument rather than go suck some guy's dick the very next day and then you're old news.

This may also be the type of girl who is content with a small starter home and realize that one day you guy's will be in a better position and maybe get a larger home you both want, or live in a nicer neighborhood.

Church is always another option when it comes to meeting women. Honestly, I wasn't raised in church myself, but at least women who stay in church usually have better morals.

Think about it; who is more likely to cheat on you, a girl out at the bar every weekend for “girl's night out” or a girl who is in the house by 9 pm on Saturday night so she can wake up early and get her kids ready for church the next day? I think we all know the answer to that one!!

Now, here is where a lot of guys over complicate the process. We think we have all of this shit to prove to women when we talk to them.

It's like this stupid fucking game of “how much shit can I talk before I'm worthy enough for you?” This is absolutely ridiculous!! Why would you stand there and jabber on for 20 minutes to some girl you don't even know, trying to “prove yourself” to her.

You may be trying to prove yourself to some moron anyways, who isn't worth the time of day. Not to mention, her response is mostly based on the way she feels that day and has nothing to do with you at all. So why bother?

My advice: start conversation in a nonchalant way just to get the bait and hook throw out there.

Now, you may not be hooking the fish right then and there, but after a few times of talking again, she'll have a comfort level with you that is good enough to agree to spend time together outside of whatever facility you see each other in. This may be church, a coffee shop, or possibly the gym.

If the chances of seeing her again are rare, then throw a giant worm on that hook and throw it right in her face and don't be a pussy. She bites or she doesn't, and if she doesn't then who cares….NEEEEXXXT!!!

I'm sure some people may view me as some internet personality who is some expert on everything. I'm no expert guys, I just talk about my life experiences in ways I hope can help other people.

When I met my wife I didn't have a lot, and she didn't either.

I was moving from job to job as a fabricator and she was working in a business she started with her mother that was basically falling apart. I can remember waking up in the morning and having to turn on the oven and have to crack the door to it, just so I could try to heat part of the house.

There were many of Christmas seasons where we had very little money to spend, but we always had great holidays!! Some of my best memories are when we had hardly anything but still had a good time. This is the type of girl who isn't going to leave you.

The one thing I can say is I get a lot of respect from who I'm with. She is there when I'm down and out, and she appreciates things I can do if I have extra money; but she doesn't expect it.

When trying to find a good match for you, it's often very important to look at her family.

Is her mother an anti-social bitch who degrades her husband all the time? Does she partake in family trips and activities or would she rather sit at home on her ass?

I would seriously try finding someone who comes from parents that have qualities you'd like to see in their daughter.

My brother just dodged the biggest bullet of his life when he broke off his engagement and split with his girl. Nothing was ever good enough or her, she wasn't very social, and she never did a fucking thing for him!!

In the 7 years they were together she probably cooked about 4-5 times total. She wanted a new puppy, so my brother got her one. My brother was the one waking up twice every night to let it outside, she never did it ONCE.

You think this would make a good mom to your kids? Her mother? Divorced, miserable, and a healthy monthly income from ex-husband who will bust his ass working until he dies.

Look at what a woman is willing to do for you.

I don't see women doing JACK SHIT for men anymore. These things do not have to be big. Small things like cooking you dinner, giving you a massage, picking up something from the store that you like, surprising you with lunch at work; they can really be whatever.

All you are looking for is a woman who has a giving nature and cares enough about you to do something for you once in awhile. This will be the same type of woman who will provide for your kids, and not dump them off each weekend to go out drinking like some dumb-ass slut who never grew up.

Start paying attention to what she does for you RIGHT FROM THE START.

When I got in my car on the first date with my wife, she reached over and unlocked my door for me. I started watching from day 1!!

Ok, now get this idea of a perfect woman out of your head. Nobody is going to be perfect and they will have habits that piss you off. You know what pisses me off about my wife? She likes to take a sip out of a drink and put it back in the fridge uncapped.

So sometimes it's easy to spill if you open the fridge or dig through there. This has been happening since day 1.

That is the biggest thing that pisses me off, so I'm not doing too bad I guess. But I leave hair in the tub from shaving my body (which she cleans for me) and I do not do dishes usually (which she does for me).

So when I buy my wife a $500 Coach purse it's really like saying “thanks for cleaning the dishes up and my body hair in the bathtub.” But no woman is going to be perfect, trust me on that one.

TWO BIG THINGS TO LOOK AT WHEN CONSIDERING MARRIAGE

  1. Does she rack up debt and have terrible spending habits?
  2. Is she a whore or a flirt?

Everything else other than those 2 issues you can work through.

As long as those 2 issues are not part of the equation then chances are you can have a meaningful relationship with that person.

10 WAYS TO ELIMINATE BULLSHIT FROM THE BEGINNING

#1 – Call her instead of texting, if she doesn't answer then send a text.

If you don't get a reply until later and she says something such as “Sorry, didn't see this” the bitch is playing games…CUT HER ASS!! You think I'm fucking stupid bitch? You girls have those phones glued to the hip

#2 – Come up with a date and a time and YOU PICK THE PLACE AND SUGGEST THE TIME.

Be assertive here, don't be one of these pussy guys who lets a woman decide everything. They really don't want to make the decisions, they'd like a man with enough balls to do this once in awhile. If she cannot give you a straight answer such as “Yes” or “I can't do it that day, but how about…?” CUT HER ASS!! If she cancels at the last minute for any other reason besides her kids…you guessed it…CUT HER ASS!!

#3 – If she constantly checks her cell phone while she is out with you….CUT HER ASS!!  

Obviously you're not important enough to give her attention to, and if it's this bad from date #1 it's only going to get worse. It's other guys she is talking to anyways, and it probably won't stop….CUT HER ASS!!

#4 – If she is one of these girls who tries you right from date #1 on what you're willing to spend…CUT HER ASS!!

I once had a bitch low enough to tell me she forgot her purse and asked me if I'd buy her a pack of clove cigarettes on the first fucking date!! Come on, just be honest and tell me you're broke. But it was ok, because I basically got my dick sucked for a pack of cloves from a hot looking bitch who was broke. But yes, not marriage material…CUT HER ASS!!

#5 – If she is into cats, CUT HER ASS!!

Look, it's no secret by now, chicks who are into owning a bunch of cats are just strange. I've ever met a girl with a bunch f damn cats who wasn't fucked every which was from Sunday. Just avoid cat women, you'll be a better person for it.

#6 – Look out for pill poppers!!

If she is one of these girls who is “off her meds” or talks about shit she takes to “keep her normal”, avoid this one like the plague!! Chances are you're dating a bi-polar lunatic who may break out your car windshield with a bat, or try cutting off your penis with a hunting knife….CUT HER ASS!!

#7 – Attempt to get a piece of ass on date #1.

Listen, although very debatable, this is important here. You don't necessarily WANT SEX on date #1, but you want to see how far she'll go on date #1. If she doesn't give it up, this is a good sign. This means that this girl isn't going to spread her legs to just anyone. And chances are if she likes you, she'll continue to see you even though you went for it. I've never had a girl who quit seeing me because I went for it early. If she DOES GIVE IT UP, hit that shit with a vengeance, have fun with her, but know she isn't marriage material. NEVER!! I would have fun with her in the meantime, but don't stop looking for someone better. When you find better…CUT HER ASS!!

#8 – Look at her friends.

If her friends act like stupid whores, then chances are birds of a feather flock together, and you my friend, have a whore too. Although not marriage material, I would make it my personal goal to get a piece of ass from the girl, and then run through the circle of friends too. Think of this as hitting a new PR on your bench press. When you're done they'll probably all hate you as well as each other, but it's ok, being whores was really the only thing that bonded them together anyways and they'll have a new flock of whores to hang out with soon enough. No harm, no foul.

#9 – A WOMAN'S HOUSE IS LIKE HER VAGINA.

There are no truer words than the words I just laid out Gentleman!! If you walk up in some chick's house, and the carpet is stained to hell, the sink is full of dirty dishes, and there is dirty laundry everywhere, I guarantee you her pussy stinks and she doesn't take care of it!! Now, believe it or not, there are actually some women out there with Vagina's that are odorless and tasteless because they know how to take care of them. The problem is that most of us guys are so desperate for sex that we often put up with an unkempt vagina for the sake of trying to get an orgasm. (Well, most do, I sure as hell don't) I've dumped women before because of unkempt vaginas, and if her house looks like a frat kids house, her pussy stinks!! CUT HER ASS!!

#10 – DOES SHE KEEP YOU INTERESTED?

Look, let's forget sex for a moment here. Does this girl have anything meaningful to say? Is spending time with her actually fun? Is there anything about her that stands out from the rest of the boring girls you've dated? Honestly speaking, most girl are extremely boring to me. They're boring because they are too insecure to have fun and actually be themselves. I would much rather have some girl who threw on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt and just went out and had a good time with me, over some nervous chick who took 2 hrs to get ready and couldn't get her hair right. Women want guys with confidence right? Well, why the fuck can't we want the same thing? How about a girl who knows she is attractive and can just go out once in awhile without having to be dressed to the 9's every time, just to attract attention from strangers who don't fucking matter anyways.

STAY AWAY FROM GIRLS WHO HAVE ALL GUY FRIENDS!!!

Don't buy into this bullshit for a second.

If you hear some stupid bitch tell you “I can't stand most girls, all my friends are guys” or “I just get along better with guys” then what you're dealing with here is a whore in disguise.

You can't bullshit a bullshitter. I'm a guy, I like pussy. The only reason I would want to be friends with a girl is to get pussy. The only two types of guys who are friends with a girl are gay guys and guys who want to have sex with them, but are stuck in the friend zone.

Do you have any idea how many guys are with women who “just have guy friends” and are about 1 out of 7 different guys this chick is screwing on a regular basis?

Hope you don't get  an STD my man!! Perfect marriage material right? “Hey sweetie, watch the kids for me all weekend if you can, I'm going to the beach with my guy friends!!” Yep, real fucking realistic there Pal!!

So that is pretty much my take on finding a quality woman.

I would also not be afraid to go outside of America on this one and explore some other cultures.

There are women in other ethnic groups (such as Asian), who were raised to appreciate and respect men a lot more than “The Real Housewives of Greedy as Fuck America”

Guys, remember, this is all a numbers game. I've talked about this before, it's a volume game. If you were a car salesman and you only spoke to one customer every week, how many cars would you actually sell? Probably not as many as the guy talking to 50 people each week.

You need to throw your hook out into the lake every chance you can. This is a lot like fishing too, you can catch small fish you throw back all the time, but the big trophy fish are harder to catch.

When two people click it shouldn't take a lot of work.

Yes, over time it takes work to make a relationship strong, but it shouldn't take work to get along.

If it feels difficult from day 1 to hold conversation, laugh, or have a good time, then chances are you're with the wrong person and I wouldn't waste my time. This doesn't mean this is a bad person, they just don't compliment your character very well.

I've had women who have brought out the absolute worst in me before. They had turned me into a hateful monster when in reality I was just with the wrong person and too dumb to realize it.

Today is a new day. You could go through today like every other day that is exactly the same, or you can cast your line into the water a few times.

When you live like a man with nothing to lose, you have everything to gain.

Start winning!!!

-John

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26 thoughts on “How to Find the Right Woman”

  1. Hey John,

    Killer article here and spot on. I used to do a ton of online dating because it was easier than going to loud bars where I can hardly have a conversation, I probably have met and gone on dates with over 100 women and I’ve seen many of the things you mentioned in this article.

    I think the one big thing that worked for me, was I started focusing on myself.. I bought a house, got a good job and just stopped caring about women for a while. It was then and only then that I was able to meet a good girl who I’m now in a serious relationship with.

    When I was spending all this time surfing dating sites and “looking” constantly I ended up just having one night stands and meeting a lot of women who I’d never want to be with long term.

    My advice is get your own shit together and then find the girl of your dreams.

    P.S. Not sure I entirely agree on #5, she convinced me to get 3 cats and I’d much rather take the cats over her begging me for kids right now :)

    Reply
  2. A lot of solid points here. I agree 200% that the woman needs to be interesting. I’ve dated a lot of vapid babes and each time the boredom really does wear on you.

    I disagree on a church going girl. In my opinion religion has nothing to do with morality and in most cases THIS is an indication that the girl is boring or unintelligent. Faith by definition demonstrates a lack of critical thinking.

    What are your thoughts on 1 or even multiple mistresses that clean, cook, massage, and do the necessary chores but aren’t necessarily your “significant other(s).” Obviously when it comes to children this could be hairy, but I still think there are times when it greatly benefits the man.

    Reply
    • Good question. My answer to this would be when you have one who can do a good enough job then there is no need, unless it’s a different sort of country/marriage system where multiple wives is normal.

      Reply
  3. Hey man,

    Great posts, espeically the one for finding the right woman, things like that are very important and often overlooked with men.

    Is there a way I can get hold of your posts as pdfs so I can print them and not have to read them on my screen? I work behind in front of a screen all the time and the constant glare makes my eyes bad.

    Much appreciate any help you can offer. Thanks in advance.

    Matt

    Reply
    • If you already have Adobe Acrobat reader installed, you should be able to just “Print” the webpage as a “PDF” and save it to your HD. Or just copy and paste the webpage text into a Word document and save.

      Reply
  4. Nice article John.

    I agree. It’s just unfortunate that these days, expecting a woman with these qualities (i.e. not a complete slut, makes you dinner, genuinely gives a shit about you, etc.) is considered ‘sexist’, or ‘high standards’ by some.

    Reply
  5. Good article Jonh!

    I agree with most points except one – the guy friends thing. I have observed this a hundred times as a guy. If she has guy friends who have been her friends for a long time, chances are she is OK. A real whore who is fucking every guy in the group or tagging them along will create so much drama and friction within the group that it will eventually blow up and disintegrate.

    Real whores go through lots of guy friend groups before moving on and forming the next. A sign of a solid girl is to be steadily dating one guy for a long time, and also be on friendly terms with his pals. That means she likely isn’t a dumb bitch who spends hours in the salon and can’t get along well with men.

    I see your point, but it needs to be clarified. Great post!

    Reply
    • John Doe is 100% correct, i.e., real men do not have women as friends. Women are for banging and guys who hang around women that they are not banging either want to bang that woman or the guy is gay.

      Reply
  6. Really liked this post John. It’s very direct and straight to the point.

    Too many guys waste their time with girls that aren’t worthwhile and just get used as emotional punching bags. Guys need to have their own unique screening process and understand why they are spending time with a particular woman. Is it strictly platonic? Is it to build relationship? Or is it for physical pleasure? Or maybe it’s all of the above?

    Time spent with a woman should be focused on intent, not aimless flitter.

    I also agree about the phone/texting rule. Phone calls are definitely the way to go, but if you can’t get them on the phone (most girls shy away from this) then text them. Don’t have aimless conversations over text, use it as a tool to set up dates. Too many guys blabber over text, when they can be putting time into other useful things (training, working on business, etc.) because they know they’ve already set up a date and can clear their mind of unnecessary conversations.

    If you want to go on consistent dates, the best thing to do like John said is to talk to a lot of woman. This is will give you exponential growth in social acuity and sexual prowess. Get numbers, ask them on dates the SAME week when they can remember you and the interaction vividly, take them for a drink, get them comfortable with your touch and ideally take them back to your place and magic happen.

    I hope that helps anyone reading.

    Respectfully yours,

    – Poyan

    Reply
  7. Love it. And for those that don’t know, stories like this are what sets Becoming The Bull apart from the average bodybuilding book. Thanks for sharing, John!

    Reply
  8. This post is worth more than any post on game or PUA bullshit online!!!!!

    There is a reason John Doe only talks about dating and meeting women in TWO articles only… because women aren’t hard to get once you have a body and get your shit together. Chapter 4 in his book even says that as John mentions all the success he had while still broke and dirty from work.

    Seriously guys, forget going out to bang girls and spend your time working on yourselves. From my experience, I got plenty of ass by wearing clothes that show off that my 295lbs deadlift was a success… I only wish I worked on my character at the time as well, because once I met a girl with her shit together I scared her off with my bad habits.

    It’s a compound affect. Get Good = Attract Good

    Reply
    • ”forget going out to bang girls and spend your time working on yourselves. ”

      You can work on yourself, but you have to actually go out to bang girls. forgetting about going out to work on yourself is theory without practice. absurd.

      Reply
      • I meant that as in forgetting about focusing on that. Once I went back to doing that from going to the gym and reading some books from Encounter Broadsides (best way to learn about current events issues quickly btw), I had no choice but to be better at talking to girls… but I still suck at getting a girlfriend, hahaha

        Reply
        • ”best way to learn about current events issues quickly btw” Learning about current events issues only makes me depressive and I dont want to do nothing in life afterwards.

          Reply
  9. Good article John. Lots of good points. I don’t agree with cat lady part. Obviously, you came across with an idiot woman and assume that “all cat ladys are idiots!”. Such a wrong assumption. Well, i am married and happy with a cat lover. Other than that, very very helpful articles for young fellas.

    Reply
  10. John,

    This article is gold, way better than any advice I’ve gotten from most dating stuff I’ve read. With that being said, I have no intention of marrying but I’ve learned some things that will keep me from the most undesirable women that hide in disguise. Thanks!

    Reply
  11. Great article, man!

    I have 2 questions.

    1) When you say “cats”, do you mean “crazy cat lady” or just a lady that prefers having a cat instead of a dog? Honestly, I like cats, so I was wondering.

    2) What happened to your brother’s dog?

    Have a great day! Thanks for the advice.

    Reply
  12. Well it is a real shame that many of us Good men weren’t born at a much earlier time which many of us would’ve been all settled down by now with a Good wife and family since the Good old fashioned women back then definitely would’ve made it much Easier finding love too since they were the Best.

    Reply
    • they were supportive and didn’t look down on men. Women are looking at men like monkeys now, and it’s man’s fault. After so many years of deadbeat Dads, drunks, and guys who refuse to work I guess women got sick of relying on men. The problem nowadays is a lot of them are too stupid to realize when they have a good man, same as a man being too stupid to realize he has a good woman (the few that are left)

      Reply
  13. I just love your honesty. You actually talk like a real man. I seriously started to give up on Canadian men. I just got this funny feeling that guys are “afraid” of women. I am an ex South African, and I can honestly say there is something seriously wrong over here. Men are timid,( I will refrain from being more descriptive here) and the women are bitchy, entitled sort of. I am still trying to figure it out, but you are the first male that I found on-line that has got his shit together. Good for you man!

    Reply

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