This article is for someone who responded to my last podcast with a message about how to deal with loneliness and thoughts of suicide.
I had a response that basically went like so: “I'm lonely, people look at me like dog shit, I cannot get a woman and I'm either going to do porn or take my own life. I may kill myself.”
I'm not sure if this was serious or if it came from someone who had too many drinks, but I'm going to treat it with a serious response.
First off, I've been lonely before myself. I spent a lot of time alone and during this time the silence drove me insane, but at the same time allowed me to think about my own life.
I never had all of the answers and I occasionally made bad decisions. When I went through a dry spell I went and banged a hooker and it was one of the most God awful experiences of my life.
When I was lonely I experimented with recreational drugs. You see, the problem is that we can become so desperate for people to be around that we stop caring about who we are around.
This can lead to doing some dumb ass things that deep down we don't want to do, but there is that part of us that says “Fuck it, I guess I'll just do this because I have nothing else going for me.”
So we make poor decisions and we do dumb things. We do these things as a quick fix, but it's never a long-term solution.
These life experiences along with using the gym as my foundation to get through hard times is exactly why I wrote Becoming the Bull.
I'm not sure what your exact situation is, but here is what I would do:
LOOK FOR THE POSITIVES IN YOUR LIFE
Is anything in your life positive right now? Do you have a relative or anybody you like?
Are you going to the gym? (If you're not, then start going to the gym or working out at home. The gym has helped me get through a lot of shit in my life).
Is there any volunteer work you can do to meet and talk to people? This doesn't necessarily have to be VOLUNTEER WORK, think of it as getting out and doing something positive.
Get out a piece of paper and a pen if you need to and jot down ANY POSITIVES IN YOUR LIFE.
Focus on the positives and stay away from the negative. Stop complaining and start doing!
Man, I didn't give a fuck if the best part of my life was getting a piece of ass or bench pressing 350 lbs, as long as I was moving forward somewhere then it was better than nothing!
Sometimes you need to start small and just roll with something, anything. The things that matter won't be exactly what you do, they'll be how your path has molded your character.
If we are in a positive environment then we will meet positive people and our outlook on our own lives can change for the better. But sitting around and doing nothing isn't going to get it done!
I was at a point with my own life where nothing that I seemed to do helped me. I wasn't without material objects, I was without faith and positivity.
Sometimes we can get too close to the forest to see the trees.
You could listen to me talk until I'm blue in the face, and all you'll take away from it is “I NEED HELP, MY LIFE SUCKS! ”
So you need to piece things together. This was the point I was at before in my own life.
I walked into church one Sunday morning by myself and sat down and actually listened. It seemed like the preacher knew exactly why I was there and it felt like his words cut through everyone else and were directed straight towards me.
When I left I had felt better. Sure, some of it seemed a little childish (such as standing up and shaking hands with your neighbor) but look at how many people cannot do this now! So is it really that stupid?
I'm not trying to sound gospel here, but even if you don't buy into everything you hear there, at least you're in a positive environment where people are actually trying to be nice.
I ended up trying to look for more good in my life than bad when I was attending church. I haven't been in awhile and it would benefit me to start going again, but it DID HELP ME!
FORGET WHAT EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING
This plagued me for a very long time; that feeling that everyone else was doing something great in life and I was standing still.
I didn't take the same path that others took in life and it frightened me. I wasn't finishing college like everyone else, I wasn't attending social events and parties like everyone else, and I was spending A LOT MORE TIME ALONE than most people were spending.
I started paying attention to everything that people had that I didn't seem to have. It seemed like their cars were nicer, they actually had friends where I was alone. and their jobs seemed better than mine.
But I had bodybuilding.
BODYBUILDING WAS SOMETHING NOBODY COULD TAKE AWAY FROM ME!
So back when my life seemed to suck, my days were spent going into a noisy fabrication shop and working hard, and then my life was at the gym as soon as I left work.
There was nothing else in my life back then. Bodybuilding became the focus of my efforts because it was the ONLY WAY I KNEW HOW TO MOVE FORWARD!
Building your body will help build your mind and it'll keep you away from negative shit too. Even if that's all you have right now, it's something to focus your efforts on.
Most people seemed more “well-rounded” than me. I mean, what kind of normal life is it talking to nobody and going to the gym all the time? But what is normal anyways?
“NORMAL” IS A SOCIETY PAINTED PICTURE = BORING AS FUCK
What does it mean to be normal anyway? I have never felt normal by the majority standard. Many people think that I'm strange or that I'm overboard with what I do in my life. Funny, because their lives suck to me, so what does it matter?
There is an old saying that goes, “Wolves don't care about the opinions of sheep.”
I think this phrase is one of my personal favorites because I've sort of always felt like a lone wolf. The difference is I used to care about peoples opinions and now I don't care so much.
But seriously, look at what “normal” is now; it's the middle aged fat fuck watching TV!
Normal, it's the person with all sorts of followers online but no REAL CONNECTIONS IN LIFE!
So, to this guy with suicidal thoughts; FUCK WORRYING ABOUT NORMAL, just do what you really want to do and if you need to work on yourself first then start there.
DON'T SETTLE FOR LESS JUST BECAUSE YOU'RE LONELY
Now, this one can be tough. You see, I've seen a lot of guys royally fuck their lives up by settling for bullshit.
They end up having kids with some bitch or a slut, and then when it's time to walk away they're left with a bunch of headaches.
You don't want to be that guy, and it's easier to be that guy when you go from being lonely as hell to having something that starts as a quick fix that turns into something that you're trying to make more meaningful than it deserves to be.
It's still important to aim for the stars. But let me just play devil's advocate here for a minute; maybe a woman would be settling for you right now. You sound like you're in a bad state-of-mind and extremely negative.
You just listened to a podcast and all you could leave was negativity on the blog. Don't get me wrong, I understand you may be down and out right now, but think of what type of person wants this?
Again, the key thing here is to work on yourself and build yourself up as much as possible. And d0n't just worry about building yourself up to gain things, do it to actually feel good about the person you are!
The more you level up on yourself, the more you're going to level up on the ladies! I'm just being honest here; do it for you first, but there are fringe benefits that come with killing life for yourself. People feed off it!
WHEN ALL ELSE FAILS, BECOME A LEGEND
This is by no means the right advice, but I'm giving you a plan B here.
If you just cannot break away from this funk no matter what you try doing, THEN GO DO PORN!
But don't just do a cheap porn flick and move on, I WANT YOU TO HAVE GANG BANGS WITH WOMEN, SNIFF AN 8 BALL EVERYDAY, AND PARTY HARD BEFORE YOU GO OUT!
Seriously, why take the gun to your head just yet? You have this amazing opportunity to do something that every guy talks about but never has the balls to do!
BECOME A PORN STAR, AND WHILE YOU'RE AT IT… DEAL DRUGS!
Seriously, what better place to be for dealing drugs than the porn industry?
Sales will always be plentiful because you're around other people who hate life and need to do drugs to cope with it!
I say to use this misfortune for your own benefit. Seriously, they're going to use the drugs and do stupid shit anyways so let them get it from you!
If your life sucks that bad then what do you have to lose right? You can be around beautiful women with no morals and become a kingpin in the process!
In the words of Ivan Drago, “If he dies, he dies.” That's the mentality you need to have here, IT'S ALL OR NOTHING!
I think you should supplement your shitty income from doing porn by dealing blow, because the porn industry sucks right now (and not in the good way).
The average female actress makes somewhere in the neighborhood of 40-60K a year, and they'll need to do some slutty things to even get that.
The men in the porn industry make fuck all for pay! Hell, from what I've heard many aren't even paid at all because so many desperate losers will do it for free, just to fuck gorgeous women!
So making a living by being a male in the porn industry is not as easy as it sounds. I think it's better to use the industry to meet the clients who will buy drugs off you! You'll make a lot more money!
If you go to prison you'll at least get 3 meals a day and you won't have to deal with the stress of paying bills and being a contributing member of society.
For the next 30 years you can tell other inmates about your wild adventures in slinging powder and fucking 10 bitches at a time. They'll probably beat off to your stories and at least you'll still feel wanted by someone.
Hell, maybe some day you can write a book on it. I'd read it anyways.
But I look at it like this; you weren't getting laid to begin with and you decided to take this route rather than the harder path in life. But hey bro, who am I to say what's right and wrong?
There is some guy right now who is coked out of his mind with 10 naked babes in front of him, and he thinks he's made a good life choice. Maybe he has? Who am I to judge?
ALL I'M SAYING IS THAT IF YOU'RE GOING TO GO THIS ROUTE THEN GO FULL BLAST WITH IT!
I mean, how hard could this plan be? All you need to do is save enough money for a bus ticket or train ride to California. Don't worry about bills or credit right now, life sucks anyways so what does shit credit really mean?
You just need to make about $1,000 cash and get out there. Once you're there you need to have that hustlers mentality. Go to agencies and search high and low for opportunities to make money with your dick!
Remember, Mike Tyson didn't get title fights right from the start of things. And what that has to do with porn, I haven't a clue!
But it sounds good, so whatever you need to do in order to start nailing bitches on camera then that's what you need to do!
Please stay in touch with me, especially if you decide to go this route. We need to know your porn name too, it's important to me anyways!
Seriously dude, I know I sound like I'm joking here, BUT IF YOU'RE GOING TO OFF YOURSELF THEN AT LEAST GO ON AN ADVENTURE FIRST!
That's what I would do, I would say to myself, “WHAT IS IT GONNA TAKE TO GO OUT LIKE A LEGEND?”
DON'T OFF YOURSELF
Don't off yourself bro. I took the time to write this article and I don't even know you, but your response bothered me enough to write this shit.
So just know that someone out there gives a fuck, even if he's 1,000 miles away typing words on a screen.
Life gets better man, it'll get better… -JD
24 thoughts on “How to Deal with Loneliness and Thoughts of Suicide”
Wonderfully written and took an interesting and unexpected turn haha.
Though – I’d recommend the turning to God and his people part more so than diving into porn. But again to each his own.
I’ve been there myself a time or two (the depression not to porn) and one thing I’ve learned is the feeling isn’t permanent.
We have our ups and downs and the downs can be used to propel us to greater heights once we’ve climbed out of the hole. I know I wouldn’t be where I am without the bad experiences that I’ve had. When it boils down to it we have the choice to rather shine bright in our bad times or fade away.
Anyways very well written and to the suicidal dude – keep your head up! Life is in your hands and you can get better if you put in the work and make that change.
thank you for your time reading and replying -JD
Love your work man. Very real and raw. I’ve experienced quite a lot of loneliness as well the last year, just working and focusing on the gym.
1. Spirituality – meditation, quiet, end etc.
2. Walking outside – power walk 45 minutes And while doing it spill out all your anger towards whatever higher power you believe in.. or yourself.. continuing walking another 15 in peace
3. Eating healthy – might have to put the BB diet on hold for awhile..
4. Hormone levels – raise your T levels..
5. Look for a purpose, mission, or goals..
Usually depression or anxiety are symptoms of a bigger problem.. body and mind is trying to tell you something.. instead medication try figuring out what it is.. usually it relates to either physical Health (being fat makes you depressed for example), relationship management, lack of purpose\direction (spirituality gives you this and it doesn’t have to be noble), or finances (all things related). Anxiety and depression are a bitch but that’s how I beat them..
Enjoyed the article brother
EXCELLENT RESPONSE John!!
I’ve found that much of the time depression can come from knowing that we’re so much more capable in life and that we are holding back. We know this and it can make us depressed. The “HOW” becomes more of the issue than the knowing there are things to change. And yea, hormones can definitely play a role. Most guys I know who raise their test levels change their entire outlook on life -JD
I agree JD.. shouldn’t have said beat. I meant manage. My father was a POW in N Korea for multiple years. Starvation, death marches, torture, fed arsenic, and cruelty beyond description. He was able to manage his PTSD, depression, and anxiety. He made spirituality (not religion) the core of his multi prong defense and found a reason to live thru it. Didn’t make much money but he managed his finances well, forgave people, fixed his relationships, got rid of bitterness, got social, stayed away from meds, didn’t smoke or drink, and stayed insanely busy. He had worked on his relationships, health, and finances continually because he knew that one bad area could send him spiraling out of control. He also felt a sense of accomplishment as he worked on those things.
Just my 2 cents. Good Discussion JD and a thoughtful post
Haha this is excellent advice!
Seriously though, no bullshit blogs like JDBB got me into the gym and pursuing the good things in life.
When I got to feeling low, I’d read an aggressive post like this and “feel better.” Similar to what happened to JD when he went to church.
Blog posts can be inspiration, but the work has to come from the man himself. I hope this dude takes JD’s advice and starts making use of this life he’s been given.
Thanks a bunch Phil, I’m glad you benefited from blog, that is rewarding to me to hear -JD
Fucking excellent article!! It is always better to burn out, than to fade away.
-some kurgan dude
thanks man, merry xmas! -JD
Awesome article JD. You always have a way of putting things that sounds so real and honest. If I was the guy that left that comment (and at one point in my life, I was that guy) I’d be mighty appreciative of you and your work. Thanks for all you do man!
thanks man, Merry Xmas -JD
It is truly refreshing to see that a busy man such as yourself still personally answers normal comments on his blog this is what this world needs. Looking forward to shredded ops and will be picking up a copy even though I do not compete in bodybuilding, but I do it for myself!!!! Thx JD!!!!
thanx for following! -JD
Everyone goes threw loneliness and depression in there life. You think its so bad that hanging it up is your only option. Your best and only choice. I was there bro but you what , I turned it all around. I lost everything I ever loved and worked for got strung out on opiates then went to jail. It was the best dam 11 months of my life. I got sober began working out which gave me structure and came home with a plan for my life. Now Im married own my own home drive a new sports car and have a career job. We all fuck up brother but its up to are selves to turn it around. Only you can make things better for your self. Its never to late for it to be over. Bodybuilding gives you structure, positive attitude and gives you a good sense of well being. That was the 1st thing that began to change my life when I was in the klink. You have to start somewhere and I done it alone. Turned all the negative to positive. Forgiven people who done me wrong just so I made peace with myself. Now I drive by these people who have jobs they hate living there boring ass bs lives and doing the same as they wore when I was fucked up. They all hate on me too and I love it. Proved there asses all wrong because I came back stronger then ever. I married the girl they wore jacking there dicks to because they were to intimidated to talk to her. My life has never been better and Im 43. So suicide is never an answer. Never give up, Never give in. You can always turn it around.
glad to hear you improved your situation!! Thanks for reading -JD
JD you are a fucking hoot-great piece.
HOHOHO Merry Christmas
thank you, happy holidays!! -JD
It’s nice you took the time to write this. It might change his outlook on life. SW
Great Motivational Article! Thanks John. Bold and Determined showed me the way to you btw haha
awesome, thanx for reading -JD
thanks dude!! -JD
Spot on again JDB.
Reading between the lines, “Find a purpose in life and go for it. You’re either a follower or a leader, I choose to be a leader.”
Seven months ago I was in constant pain, on constant pain meds, depressed, and lonely as hell. I was surrounded by people, but nobody wanted to be around me because of the state I was in. I stopped taking the pain meds and got my butt in the gym thanks to motivation and articles from JDB. I’ve been going strong for seven months now with only missing one workout. I’ve dropped close to 60 lbs. and put on 15-20 lbs. of muscle and people WANT to be around me now. It’s not the change in the body, it’s the change in the mind with the body. It’s the change in the mind and attitude that drives people to be around me. I was surrounded by people and lonely, now I’m surrounded by people and have a full life. My wife would rather be with me than her friends now and my kids try to talk to me. My daughter, just today, texted me from school to chat because she was bored.
I do things for ME in life now and that has changed everything. I don’t go looking for people to be in my life, they gravitate to me now. My health problems has helped shape me into what I am now and produced a strong mind with the strong body. I used that negative experience to forge something stronger. You can have a strong body, but without a strong mind to go with it, the gravitational pull doesn’t happen, You need both for it to happen.
At least that’s what JDB taught me…lol. Can’t say it doesn’t work either.
Man, thanks so much for sharing that with me! That feedback has made my day bro! I’m glad my words could motivate you, keep killing it! 60 lbs in 7 months is fantastic, I’m glad to hear your life has changed-JD