Creating a basic JDB physique coach screening process has become necessary. Some people THINK that they want to make a change, but once they see the level of commitment and discipline required, their inner pussy takes over and doesn't allow them to make changes!
They then bitch and whine about their training program and get upset at how unrealistic and demanding it is for them to follow! I have decided to make a basic screening process for everyone to look at, and if the answer to any of these initial questions is “yes” then please do NOT hire JD as your physique coach!
- Do you HAVE TO HAVE FOODS that taste good to your little tummy on a daily basis?
- Are you unwilling to cook on a regular basis to prepare most of your meals?
- Are you some sort of fucking philosopher that believes diet foods aren't necessary for fat loss, that there has to be another way, and that the earth isn't round?
- DO YOU WEAR A FACE MASK EVERYPLACE YOU GO OUT OF FEAR AND PARANOIA?
- Are you a hypochondriac that always worries about germs and thinks you must be sick all the time?
- Would you prefer to be a potter over a warrior?
- Are you considered a homemaker or a “stay at home Dad”? Does your wife fuck you up the ass?
- Do you blame your job for all of your shortcomings in life?
- Do you believe that the 2 most important exercises are 1/4 rep squats and placing a barbell on your nuts and fucking the air with it?
- Do you use a workout band around your legs while doing squats or fucking the air with a barbell on your nuts?
- Are you afraid of callouses on your hands?
- Does the perfect matching gym outfit matter to you?
- Do you HAVE TO HAVE chocolate daily like a chick on her period?
- Do you stop a set as soon as it begins to burn?
- Are you an alcoholic or a recreational drug addict?
- Do you have an issue with preparing your meals?
- DO YOU HAVE AN ISSUE WITH PREPARING YOUR MEALS?
- Are you afraid of needles?
- Do you believe that somehow a plant-based diet yields superior results in the gym?
- Is your girlfriend/spouse physically abusive to you?
Now that those questions are out of the way, take a look at the next set of questions and ask yourself if any of these sound like you. If this next list of questions are fitting to you, THEN WE MAY BE A GOOD FIT FOR WORKING TOGETHER!
- Do you daydream about living in a time when warriors could decimate the weak if they dared to fuck with them?
- Would you rather eat a bloody steak instead of a salad?
- Do you ever get sick and tired of pencil necks preaching about plant-based dieting?
- Does the idea of wenching entice you?
- Can you push through pain to rise to new levels of comfort?
- Is hitting a needle a few times per week a small price to pay for God-like status?
- Do you enjoy destroying the weights?
- Does smashing hot ass = victory?
- Is your identity important to you?
- Is respect important to you?
- Do you enjoy knowing you have self-control and discipline in life?
- Do you still believe in a firm handshake over a knuckle bump?
- Does feminism piss you off?
- Is your word important to you?
- Do you believe this is a dog-eat-dog world?
- Are you willing to go through pain to accomplish things that are great in life?
- Does the idea of wearing a mask on your face everywhere you go ABSOLUTELY PISS YOU THE FUCK OFF?
- Does McDonald's taste like shit?
- Does the idea of “plus size” models in workout apparel seem ridiculous to you?
- Do you enjoy unleashing maximum aggression, power, and calling on the demons to help push you through a demanding workout?
If you answered “yes” to those questions, then we may be a good fit for working together!
I'm not going to train soy-boy pussies and I'm not here to just make sure you're going to the gym! If you fit into the first category of questions then I would suggest some videos to watch at home to get started (possibly the Brazilian butt workout or 7 minute abs). I would also begin with a diet such as Nutrisystem, Jenny Craig, or Slim Fast.
As long as it's a diet with shit quality food that lets you pretend you're accomplishing something, then it's a great place to begin your journey!
If you fall into the second list of questions… THEN LETS ARM UP AND RUN INTO BATTLE BROTHER!
TRAIN HARD! -JD