There isn't a day that passes lately without somebody asking me, “So, how is everything going?”
I'm assuming that many of them are expecting me to bitch about how all of the gyms are closed down and that my workouts and diet are have been suffering.
But you see, that isn't the answer they're gonna hear from me!
I reply, “My workouts are going great! I'm growing more lately and killing it regardless!”
I understand that bodybuilding is all a mentality.
Is it tough to get into the right mind-frame to destroy a hardcore workout at home and not in the gym? Yes, admittedly it is tough, but IT CAN BE DONE!
You see, I just don't have it in me to sound like one of them. I simply will not accept defeat due to some pandemic for 2 reasons:
- What other choice is there right now? I can sit here and complain or I can kill shit on the daily, those are the options!
- If I get sick then I get sick, and if I die then I die. I'm not living my life in fucking doom and gloom and paranoia like the rest of these clowns!
So to me, working out at home isn't damage control or simply “maintenance mode”, it's the motivation and hostility I need to propel myself forward to more results!
They all say to me,”But I don't have any weights at home, and people are charging an arm and a leg for used weight equipment right now!”
And to that I say FUCK-ALL!
I don't see the cost of cinder blocks going up! I don't see the cost of metal piping going up!
I don't see the cost of dirt in a fucking wheel barrow going up!
I don't see admission fees at a playground or places that I can train outdoors, run stairs, or do pushups and decline pushups!
So to all of that bitching and whining I just have to say PLEASE JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY!
It's all about how bad you want it. If people are going to use this bullshit as an excuse not to train harder than hell with whatever they have available, then these motherfuckers just don't want it that bad!
Stay down then. Stay fucking weak!
But me? I'm gonna keep getting right back up no matter how many times life punches me in the face! Failure is not an option. Weakness does not exist!
Stop letting your inner bitch control you! Do you know what having fear, weakness and paranoia does to your household?
It makes your entire household fall apart, that fear is contagious to your family! But if people see you holding your shit together and pushing forward, it provides reassurance that you're all going to be just fine.
THE ALPHA WOLF DOESN'T JUST LAY DOWN AND DIE
There are 2 types of people in this world: wolves and sheep!
The sheep live in fear and expect everyone else to take care of them.
They are the ones that walk around talking about “how bad it's getting out there” and what-iff'n everything to death on a constant basis, as if it somehow never gets old to them in their search for the ultimate answer to life's problems!
The wolves tune all that negative bullshit out and remain on the prowl. They could give a fuck about a weak society, it just means easier takings to satiate their hunger.
So it's up to you to decide which one you want to be. Do you enjoy complaining about losing your gains?
Do you enjoy using what's going on as nothing more than an excuse to let your inner-bitch control your every move?
In the words of Metallica…”You've always been taking but NOW YOU'RE GIVING!”
That's right motherfuckers, IT'S TIME TO SEEK AND DESTROY!
ENOUGH OF THIS WEAKNESS!
SWOLEVIRUS-19 WORKOUT PROGRAM
Now, I've written some hellacious workout programs in the past, but it's time to give you all something to fight back with when the gyms are closed!
WE WILL NOT ACCEPT DEFEAT!
I don't give a fuck if you have weights at home or not! (however if you have some light dumbbells or a barbell then use that, but it's not necessary to do this!)
This is what you will need for this workout:
- a backpack (or weighted vest)
- something to put in your backpack that has weight to it (books, 10 lb medicine ball, a water jug, I don't care what it is as long as it's weight!)
- 1-2 towels (you're going to stuff these in your backpack first, so when you put the weight in your backpack it sits higher on your back for better resistance for pushups)
- either some light dumbbells, adjustable dumbbells, or 2 pillow cases with some sort of weight in them to make homemade dumbbells
- a deck of 52 playing cards
- a chair (any type of chair, wooden, metal, I don't give a fuck!)
- a place to do pull-ups or inverted bodyweight rows (if you don't have this then your back day can be at a playground or a place with a bar to do pull-ups, or you can simply buy or make something to do inverted body rows with)
- a place to do dips (either use your chair or you can do these at a playground if you wish, since your back day and tricep day will fall on the same day)
- something to wake you the hell up and help push through demanding workouts!
- *optional* bucket for vomiting into
The workout's foundation is based on the 3 major muscle groups: chest, back, legs!
These are your 3 large major muscle groups and these are the muscle groups that we are going to destroy with this workout program!
Yes, I do include accessory work, but EVEN IF the accessory work is limited, you'll still get some insane results by following this workout program!
You may need to modify this program to suit your level of experience/development, this isn't for the faint of heart!
What we are going to focus on here is CONSISTENT PROGRESS!
Therefore, I don't care if you cannot do what I'm doing right now, I just want you to focus on steady progression throughout.
The right workout program for you is the workout program you make progression with!
(Again, this is an inside look at how I'm doing things right now. Adjust as needed!)
Day 1 – Chest, deltoids, biceps
Pushups – deck of cards pushup workout OR 600 pushups total (I alternate between sets of regular pushups and decline pushups, put toes on a stool about knee height for the decline pushups) I try to perform these in sets of at least 50 reps/set, and I'm currently using a backpack with 15 lbs in it)
***For the deck of cards pushups, you simply flip through the entire deck and do whatever # is on the card flipped over, face cards = 10 reps/set (this is somewhere just over 400 pushups total I believe)
Deltoids – light dumbbells lateral raises for 5 sets of 15-30 reps/set, if the dumbbells are too light then squeeze harder at the top. If you don't have dumbbells then make then out of pillow cases or whatever you have to lift with!
Biceps – either standing curls w/ light dumbbells for 5 sets of 20-30 reps, or a seated concentration curl for same # of sets/rep scheme.
***the exercise selection isn't important, my rule is 5 sets of whatever exercise you choose for accessory work (work besides your chest/back/quads)
Day 2- Legs
Deck of cards bodyweight squats, I alternate every other set between regular bodyweight squats and sissy squats until I burn through the entire deck of cards! When you can complete this easily enough, then you can hold a weight either between your legs or against your chest!
Ass to the grass is the rule, and you may find different foot positioning necessary to allow a deeper squat (I have to go semi-wide with feet at a 45 degree angle, however for sissy squats I go narrow in a duck stance similar to Tom Platz)
***Sissy squats can hurt some people's knees, I used to be one of them until I learned to get my form down properly and emphasize quad stretch over knee force. If they hurt the knees then stick to all body squats!
That's it, leg day is done!
Day 3- Back, traps, triceps, abs
Back – either deck of cards inverted bodyweight rows OR a mix of wide grip pull-ups/inverted bodyweight rows
***I honestly can come nowhere close to completing a deck of cards wide-grip pull-up workout, if I throw then into the back workout then I'll do as many as I can physically complete throughout parts of the deck, while doing inverted bodyweight rows for the remainder/intermittently of the deck.
This alone will have your upper back absolutely screaming and pumped beyond ridiculous!
Traps – either some form of shrug with wheelbarrow full of dirt, or an upright row (1 arm at a time) with light dumbbell or whatever homemade weight you may have, such as pillow cases. 5 sets of 15-25 reps/set, 5 sets is my rule!
Triceps – either 5 sets of dips, as many reps/set as you can get till failure on each set, or 5 sets of lying dumbbell extensions (bring dumbbells down next to head, both arms at the same time) of if you choose not to do dips on this day and do not have access to dumbbells, 5 sets of standing tricep extensions holding pillow case (performed 1 arm at a time)
***optional variation on this day- switch to 5 sets of back work and then do deck of cards dip workout (this is also where a chair may be handy if you wish to do these at home, simply put your hands behind your back and legs out straight w/ feet on floor and do dips!)
Different exercise selection can be used on any of the accessory body-parts. For example, handstand pushups for shoulders, tricep kickbacks for triceps, band work if you have bands. Feel free to get as creative as you'd like to get!
This program is geared towards someone with little to no workout equipment, but anything you have that you wish to utilize then be my guest!
You'll see that the workout is a 3 day workout. Now, these 3 days can be in whatever rotation suits your time and recovery ability! Some may do it every other day, some people will go 3 days in a row with a day off in-between, hell some may just do it daily!
You have to be your own best judge on recovery and scheduling, that I'm not doing for you with this program!
CREATING RESISTANCE IN YOUR MIND
You see, it really doesn't matter what kind of weights I'm lifting. If it seems too easy, I simply squeeze my muscles harder or slow down the reps and make the resistance feel harder. I'll push out against the floor with my feet in place and make my quads contract harder on each rep.
This is something real and it's called, “Creating resistance in your mind”.
Actually, to be 100% honest with you guys, I'm usually grabbing something that is lighter than what I know I can lift and MAKING THAT LIGHTER WEIGHT FEEL HARDER.
Often times by doing this, I'm actually stronger if I do choose to use a heavier weight later in my workouts!
As for supplementation, aside from my arsenal of HGH, Primobolan, and testosterone replacement therapy, its:
- 5 grams of creatine monohydrate pre-workout and another 5 grams post workout (I have found creatine to be highly beneficial for high rep training! Not mention, HGH loves creatine!)
- vitamin B complex once/day
- Red Lion pre-workout formula
- Red Burner as an appetite suppressant/thermogenic aid as needed (sometimes once/day, other times 2 or 3x/day)
- Cialis at 10mg/day, usually taken pre-workout
So there you have it folks, that's what I'm doing right now currently. I thought to share this routine as a favor for the ones who are wondering what to do with the gyms being closed down pretty much worldwide right now!
As I was working out today on my porch and almost to the point of vomiting, I thought to myself ,”Let me let some of the readers in on this pain!
SO CLOSE YOUR FUCKING GYMS!
KEEP PREACHING YOUR SOCIAL DISTANCING!
KEEP LIVING IN FEAR WITH YOUR STUPID N95 MASKS!
WHAT AM I GONNA DO ABOUT IT?